1 00:00:02,310 --> 00:00:03,558 I hate having my hair cut. 2 00:00:04,306 --> 00:00:07,173 No matter how much you emphasise "not too short", 3 00:00:07,293 --> 00:00:09,158 they always cut it too short. 4 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,692 And even if they're ruining my hair, 5 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,203 I never have the courage to say something. 6 00:00:14,683 --> 00:00:16,355 I said, "Not too short!" 7 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,001 You stupid idiot! 8 00:00:18,121 --> 00:00:19,358 You're raping my hair! 9 00:00:21,687 --> 00:00:23,254 How's that for you, then? 10 00:00:23,374 --> 00:00:24,882 Yeah, it's great. Thanks. 11 00:00:25,002 --> 00:00:28,642 I mean, would I just say, "Great, thanks" to anything she did? 12 00:00:28,958 --> 00:00:31,678 { things Don would say "Great, thanks" to} 13 00:00:32,187 --> 00:00:33,637 How's that for you? 14 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,919 It's great. Thanks. 15 00:00:38,685 --> 00:00:39,885 Great. Thanks. 16 00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:42,566 It's great. Thanks. 17 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,680 Great. Thanks. 18 00:00:47,857 --> 00:00:49,307 It's great. Thanks. 19 00:00:51,022 --> 00:00:52,772 - What's that? - A shit. 20 00:00:54,629 --> 00:00:55,829 Great, thanks! 21 00:00:56,888 --> 00:00:58,623 .:: La Fabrique ::. 22 00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,308 Dickheads Team 23 00:01:00,568 --> 00:01:02,828 Synchro : mpm and Arrow 24 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:11,628 Episode 205 Don gets healthy 25 00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:16,560 Living with Sam has had its ups and downs. 26 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:20,710 However, one of the ups is having someone to chat to over breakfast. 27 00:01:40,072 --> 00:01:43,625 You might not think it, but that was a perfectly formed conversation. 28 00:01:43,893 --> 00:01:45,243 Let me translate. 29 00:01:48,938 --> 00:01:50,652 Only just got out of bed? 30 00:01:51,019 --> 00:01:52,088 Yes, I have, 31 00:01:52,208 --> 00:01:53,408 so what of it? 32 00:01:54,470 --> 00:01:55,470 Pathetic. 33 00:01:55,957 --> 00:01:58,448 I can get out of bed whenever I want, thank you very much. 34 00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:00,525 God, you think you're so perfect, don't you? 35 00:02:00,645 --> 00:02:02,958 Just because you look really hot in your gym gear. 36 00:02:03,714 --> 00:02:04,757 What? 37 00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:06,146 Nothing. 38 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,135 See? Regular morning chit-chat. 39 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:14,478 - Can I help you with something? - Jesus! 40 00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:17,654 Where did you spring out from? 41 00:02:17,774 --> 00:02:20,264 The pantry. Searching high and low for Babybels. 42 00:02:20,384 --> 00:02:22,555 He likes them with his breakfast. Do you want one? 43 00:02:23,006 --> 00:02:26,598 No, thank you. I've made up my own special health drink. 44 00:02:27,839 --> 00:02:29,838 Are you sure you're meant to drink that? 45 00:02:29,999 --> 00:02:31,144 It's good for you. 46 00:02:31,264 --> 00:02:33,414 There's a saying, Don, you may have even heard it: 47 00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:35,306 "Healthy body, healthy mind". 48 00:02:35,426 --> 00:02:36,990 I prefer the other saying: 49 00:02:37,110 --> 00:02:39,550 "Never drink anything that looks like poo". 50 00:02:40,078 --> 00:02:43,038 - Not sure that's a saying. - It'll catch on. Mark my words. 51 00:02:43,594 --> 00:02:46,718 No, I'll just stick to what normal people drink in the mornings. 52 00:02:47,394 --> 00:02:48,998 Fetch me a Dr Pepper, will you? 53 00:02:50,265 --> 00:02:52,746 And your favourite: one full English. 54 00:02:54,037 --> 00:02:55,518 Sexy pants. 55 00:03:01,317 --> 00:03:02,598 - Problem? - There will be 56 00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:04,438 if you keep eating that every day. 57 00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:06,598 This is what city-folk eat, sweetheart. 58 00:03:06,758 --> 00:03:09,758 If I wanted berries and greens, I'd live in the woods. 59 00:03:09,918 --> 00:03:11,718 Are you not at university today? 60 00:03:11,878 --> 00:03:13,641 Not until this afternoon, no. 61 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:25,369 I wonder if ants are sexually attracted to each other? 62 00:03:25,995 --> 00:03:27,598 I wonder if there are gay ants? 63 00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:29,095 Would they be camp? 64 00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:32,498 So many unanswered ant theories. 65 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,506 As much as I would love to stand here 66 00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:38,638 and listen to you talk about the sexual orientation of Hymenoptera... 67 00:03:38,799 --> 00:03:40,837 I was talking about gay ants, wasn't I? 68 00:03:41,359 --> 00:03:43,918 I'm gonna go to the gym. Ever been to the gym? 69 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,598 Don at a gym? What a wacky notion. 70 00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:49,647 I get the feeling you think I'm some kind of layabout 71 00:03:49,767 --> 00:03:51,238 who just does nothing all day. 72 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,552 No, I've never thought that about you, Don. 73 00:03:53,672 --> 00:03:56,202 Not even when you just lay about and do... 74 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:57,820 nothing all day. 75 00:03:58,558 --> 00:04:00,946 What makes you both think I'm so unfit? 76 00:04:01,358 --> 00:04:04,518 { reasons they might think Don's so unfit} 77 00:04:05,933 --> 00:04:07,033 Out the way! 78 00:04:13,998 --> 00:04:14,998 All right! 79 00:04:17,797 --> 00:04:19,647 Oh, my God! I'm knackered. 80 00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:21,529 Breathe. 81 00:04:30,198 --> 00:04:31,997 You guys have got me all wrong. 82 00:04:32,117 --> 00:04:33,642 I love exercise. 83 00:04:34,369 --> 00:04:35,819 I frickin' love it. 84 00:04:41,708 --> 00:04:43,608 I can see one of your balls. 85 00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:45,926 Why don't you come with me, then? 86 00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:49,629 Yeah, I mean, that sounds awesome, really fun. 87 00:04:49,749 --> 00:04:51,516 But, you know, I've got stuff to do, 88 00:04:51,636 --> 00:04:53,341 need to sort out some shit. 89 00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:54,749 Some shit? 90 00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:57,059 If you can't handle a bit of exercise then, 91 00:04:57,179 --> 00:04:58,758 that's fine. Just say so. 92 00:04:59,374 --> 00:05:01,819 Don, I think it would be a great idea. 93 00:05:01,939 --> 00:05:04,478 Imagine what Abby would think if she came back to a hunk. 94 00:05:05,453 --> 00:05:07,558 It's a gym, guys. They don't do plastic surgery. 95 00:05:07,718 --> 00:05:11,078 All right. I'll come, I'm coming. I'll come. I'll show you what's fit. 96 00:05:11,239 --> 00:05:12,739 Cool. Come on, then! 97 00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:14,397 I'll meet you outside. 98 00:05:17,241 --> 00:05:18,638 Thanks a bunch, Eddie. 99 00:05:18,799 --> 00:05:21,398 - I hate the gym! - But you just said you loved exercise. 100 00:05:21,558 --> 00:05:22,558 I lied! 101 00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:24,778 I couldn't bear her smugness. 102 00:05:24,898 --> 00:05:27,479 "Look at me. I'm so healthy, and brainy 103 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,238 "and semi-attractive". 104 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,697 I'm telling you, I think I'm actually allergic to the gym. 105 00:05:32,817 --> 00:05:35,298 I went once and I broke out in sweats, 106 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,218 my muscles were aching, my face went all red. 107 00:05:39,719 --> 00:05:41,527 - I think that's normal. - Really? 108 00:05:42,051 --> 00:05:43,051 Oh, God. 109 00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:45,367 What have I got myself into? 110 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,828 What is it about the gym that's so annoying? 111 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,528 Not just the exercise bit, 112 00:05:50,648 --> 00:05:53,998 but the music, the people, the clothes you have to wear. 113 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,718 Right, what first? 114 00:05:59,504 --> 00:06:01,717 Exercise. Fun. Can't wait! 115 00:06:01,888 --> 00:06:03,038 What are you wearing? 116 00:06:03,581 --> 00:06:04,581 What? 117 00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:07,798 Look, this was the best I could rustle up at such short notice. 118 00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:09,758 Believe me, I went through all the options. 119 00:06:36,038 --> 00:06:37,878 We better start with some stretches. 120 00:06:42,126 --> 00:06:43,126 Nice! 121 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:49,441 Come on. 122 00:06:53,359 --> 00:06:55,278 Stop messing around. Go all the way. 123 00:06:55,438 --> 00:06:56,838 - I'm trying. - Stop it. 124 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,157 Come on. Take it seriously. 125 00:06:59,277 --> 00:07:00,277 I am. 126 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,118 - This is as far as I can go. - Are you made of wood? 127 00:07:04,526 --> 00:07:06,318 Oh, my God. You're so stiff. 128 00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:08,198 - What? - No. Your legs, Don. 129 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,158 - You can't even touch your shins. - Yes, I can, look. 130 00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:14,832 See, that's why our knees bend. 131 00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:17,638 Anyway, it's not natural for people to be able to reach all the... 132 00:07:27,853 --> 00:07:28,853 There. 133 00:07:29,131 --> 00:07:29,838 Easy. 134 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,441 You ever thought of joining the circus? 135 00:07:32,561 --> 00:07:33,711 Bloody freak. 136 00:07:37,698 --> 00:07:39,098 Do we have to run? 137 00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:41,440 Can't we do sitting down exercises? 138 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,590 You know, like rowing, or weights, 139 00:07:43,710 --> 00:07:45,118 or sitting? 140 00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:47,763 - I thought you loved exercising? - I do. 141 00:07:48,065 --> 00:07:49,065 I love it. 142 00:07:53,528 --> 00:07:57,297 - There's some pretty fit people here. - Yeah, obviously, Don. It's a gym. 143 00:07:57,417 --> 00:07:58,758 No. I mean fit, 144 00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:01,417 as in I'd like to have sexy intercourse with them. 145 00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:02,474 Come on. 146 00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:04,244 I'm miles ahead of you. 147 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,420 All right. 148 00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:10,914 I suppose one little quick run to break me in. 149 00:08:11,264 --> 00:08:12,478 Can't hear you. 150 00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:14,358 I'm halfway down the street. 151 00:08:14,518 --> 00:08:16,368 See you at the corner shop. 152 00:08:35,318 --> 00:08:36,278 Exercise! 153 00:09:02,923 --> 00:09:04,419 Jesus Christ. 154 00:09:04,539 --> 00:09:06,398 - You look awful, are you OK? - I'm fine. 155 00:09:06,558 --> 00:09:07,598 - Sure? - Yeah. 156 00:09:07,758 --> 00:09:09,791 - Everything all right? - Oh, God. 157 00:09:17,716 --> 00:09:19,118 Oh, my God! 158 00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:21,951 I'm so sorry! 159 00:09:23,621 --> 00:09:26,270 See? I told Eddie I was allergic to the gym. 160 00:09:26,390 --> 00:09:27,878 I was actually sick. 161 00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:28,986 And now this, 162 00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:31,906 getting changed in a public place, I hate it. 163 00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:34,607 Look. 164 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:36,059 That's not right. 165 00:09:36,313 --> 00:09:39,135 A stranger's batty four inches from my face. 166 00:09:42,128 --> 00:09:43,278 And another one. 167 00:09:45,399 --> 00:09:48,949 Did I miss the meeting where we agreed we're cool with this? 168 00:09:49,318 --> 00:09:52,678 { thing you shouldn't say to a naked man} 169 00:09:55,819 --> 00:09:57,569 Do you mind if I just...? 170 00:10:00,327 --> 00:10:02,727 You must be really chuffed with that? 171 00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:04,678 It's massive! 172 00:10:10,065 --> 00:10:12,702 - It's in there somewhere. - Are you sure? 173 00:10:12,822 --> 00:10:14,372 I can't see anything. 174 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,959 - How did it go? - Yeah, it was a great little work out. 175 00:10:25,656 --> 00:10:27,636 Little being the operative word. 176 00:10:28,239 --> 00:10:30,557 First rule of gym: don't overdo it. 177 00:10:30,718 --> 00:10:33,295 First rule of gym: do some exercise. 178 00:10:34,318 --> 00:10:35,918 - Drinklettes? - Yes. 179 00:10:37,131 --> 00:10:38,598 You all right, Mrs Treacher? 180 00:10:39,151 --> 00:10:40,612 My husband's dead, 181 00:10:40,732 --> 00:10:41,638 remember? 182 00:10:41,798 --> 00:10:42,798 I know. 183 00:10:43,115 --> 00:10:44,279 You've told us. 184 00:10:44,399 --> 00:10:46,757 Many, many times. 185 00:10:48,118 --> 00:10:49,586 How exactly did he pass on? 186 00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:51,771 We were on holiday in Ibiza. 187 00:10:51,891 --> 00:10:54,343 My Bill wanted to know what all the fuss was about. 188 00:10:54,463 --> 00:10:57,831 - Why all the youngsters go there. - Can you believe that? 189 00:10:57,951 --> 00:11:00,758 He decided it was his last chance to live it up a little. 190 00:11:00,919 --> 00:11:03,877 He was 86 and wanted to have it large in San Antonio. 191 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,370 We did pills, MDMA, 192 00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:07,816 speed, Ketamine, 193 00:11:07,936 --> 00:11:11,478 - we went to all those foam parties. - You didn't mind all the loud music? 194 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:15,582 No, Bill just switched his hearing aid off and got spangled. 195 00:11:16,461 --> 00:11:17,528 It's mad, innit? 196 00:11:17,648 --> 00:11:19,838 Like Cocoon 3, the Balearic years. 197 00:11:21,358 --> 00:11:22,175 Right... 198 00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:25,385 I'm all right. 199 00:11:26,795 --> 00:11:29,157 So, did her husband OD on drugs? 200 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,389 They hired mopeds one day. He crashed his into a bin. 201 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,896 Because he was so out of his head? 202 00:11:36,524 --> 00:11:37,724 Cos he was 86. 203 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,740 Wakey-wakey, Donald. 204 00:11:55,675 --> 00:11:57,677 Stop touching my balls, Louis Walsh! 205 00:11:58,657 --> 00:11:59,657 What? 206 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,264 - What's going on? - It's Thursday, 207 00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:03,917 and we are going to the gym. 208 00:12:04,078 --> 00:12:04,915 What? 209 00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:08,040 Look, it's dark outside. 210 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,998 It means it's still Wednesday. 211 00:12:10,158 --> 00:12:11,851 It's 7am, Thursday morning. 212 00:12:12,318 --> 00:12:15,398 It's 7am, Wednesday night. Go back to bed. 213 00:12:15,888 --> 00:12:17,318 You're so rubbish. 214 00:12:17,478 --> 00:12:20,105 I did some exercise last night, OK, while you were out. 215 00:12:20,638 --> 00:12:23,278 Yes, but you don't just want your right arm to be muscly, do you? 216 00:12:23,926 --> 00:12:24,976 Very funny. 217 00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:26,986 Actually, I use both hands. 218 00:12:27,106 --> 00:12:29,398 That way I imagine I'm in a threesome. 219 00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:33,233 Fine, if you are giving in then... 220 00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,749 that's absolutely fine. 221 00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:37,345 I'm not giving in. 222 00:12:40,379 --> 00:12:41,979 All right, I'm coming. 223 00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:44,418 Good! OK, five minutes. 224 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,910 Look at these people, they're all mental. 225 00:12:52,385 --> 00:12:55,513 I mean, they get out of bed much earlier than they need to, 226 00:12:55,633 --> 00:12:57,933 just to come here and get knackered. 227 00:12:58,547 --> 00:12:59,547 Weirdos. 228 00:13:04,093 --> 00:13:07,292 Don, you remember Grant, right? He's the guy you threw up on? 229 00:13:08,826 --> 00:13:10,598 - Sorry about that. - It's fine. 230 00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:13,063 When you're that unfit it can be tough. 231 00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:15,398 Anyway, good to meet you. Grant Bibbib. 232 00:13:16,252 --> 00:13:18,052 - Don. Beep-beep. - What? 233 00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:19,918 I dunno? You started it. 234 00:13:20,079 --> 00:13:21,868 That's my name. Grant Bibbib. 235 00:13:21,988 --> 00:13:23,868 B-I-B-B-I-B. 236 00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:30,442 - And how are you getting on? - Yeah, I'm OK, thank you. 237 00:13:30,562 --> 00:13:31,562 I can see. 238 00:13:31,999 --> 00:13:33,299 And how are you? 239 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,682 I don't quite know why I made that noise. 240 00:13:37,802 --> 00:13:39,152 It just came out. 241 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,867 Don's not really a gym person. Are you, Don? 242 00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:44,478 She's insane in the mind. I love the gym. 243 00:13:44,964 --> 00:13:46,219 Of course you do. 244 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:47,878 So, Miss World... 245 00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,750 You wanna spot me on the bench press? 246 00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,038 Yeah. Sure. 247 00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:53,798 Yeah, I'd love to push some weights with ya. 248 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,978 You sure about that? 249 00:13:57,149 --> 00:13:59,358 Haven't lifted iron since I was a boy. 250 00:14:05,751 --> 00:14:07,198 98, 251 00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:11,998 99, 252 00:14:14,935 --> 00:14:15,935 100. 253 00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:27,278 - That was fun. - Was it? 254 00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:29,718 Let's double the weight. 255 00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:31,198 That's a lot more. 256 00:14:31,359 --> 00:14:33,131 I'll be fine as you long you both spot me. 257 00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:36,438 - You'll spot me, Don? - Sure thing, Grant Bibbib. 258 00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,237 Right, ready. 259 00:14:51,987 --> 00:14:52,798 Guys! 260 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:13,918 Grant Bibbib, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 261 00:15:14,849 --> 00:15:17,398 It's fine. I shouldn't have given someone as weak 262 00:15:17,558 --> 00:15:19,518 that kind of responsibility. 263 00:15:24,432 --> 00:15:25,882 It was an accident. 264 00:15:26,223 --> 00:15:29,106 I didn't feel bad. Something about Grant annoyed me. 265 00:15:29,226 --> 00:15:32,346 The way he talked down to me like I don't belong in a gym. 266 00:15:32,466 --> 00:15:35,478 Yeah, OK, he's right, I don't belong in a gym. 267 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,918 It can't be that bad. 268 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,078 I just lifted a ton of weights. 269 00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:45,266 You lifted two and half pounds, Donald. 270 00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:49,386 - Your Beano comics are heavier. - Excuse me. I don't read Beano comics. 271 00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,678 Sorry. Dandy comics. 272 00:15:51,838 --> 00:15:52,838 That's better. 273 00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,438 If you don't want to come to the gym with me any more, I'll understand. 274 00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:04,718 - It's all right, I'm loving it. - You don't actually need to bulk up. 275 00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:07,318 You like what you see, do ya? 276 00:16:07,865 --> 00:16:10,478 No. You have a teenager's body. 277 00:16:10,638 --> 00:16:12,158 I like real men. 278 00:16:13,391 --> 00:16:15,088 But you do need to be more healthy. 279 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:18,146 You need to start thinking about what you're putting in your body. 280 00:16:18,266 --> 00:16:20,918 You had a sausage and egg sandwich at midnight last night. 281 00:16:21,078 --> 00:16:22,158 That's not so bad? 282 00:16:22,318 --> 00:16:24,718 You put a Curly Wurly in it, and then you deep fried it. 283 00:16:24,878 --> 00:16:27,050 And then you washed it down with a litre of cider. 284 00:16:27,349 --> 00:16:28,918 Cider's got apples in it. 285 00:16:29,078 --> 00:16:30,478 Healthy, yeah? 286 00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:32,078 How do you like them apples? 287 00:16:32,238 --> 00:16:33,991 You need to detox. 288 00:16:34,891 --> 00:16:37,261 - You should go for a colonic. - Say what now? 289 00:16:37,381 --> 00:16:40,224 Colonic irrigation. They're really good for you, and you'd lose weight. 290 00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:42,377 They stick a tube up your batty sleeve 291 00:16:42,497 --> 00:16:44,786 and suck out all the bum rubbish, right? 292 00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,398 Yes. I think that's the technical term. 293 00:16:47,558 --> 00:16:48,558 Colonic? 294 00:16:48,948 --> 00:16:50,718 It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it? 295 00:16:50,878 --> 00:16:53,146 Apparently you feel amazing afterwards. 296 00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:00,998 - Still wanna go out tonight? - I'm sorry, Grant, I can't, I'm busy. 297 00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:03,838 Yeah, of course. I can't wait. 298 00:17:03,998 --> 00:17:05,798 Great. Can I get you a coffee? 299 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,517 I've got one, thank you. 300 00:17:08,954 --> 00:17:11,718 So, you and Grant Bibbib, eh? 301 00:17:11,878 --> 00:17:13,558 What exactly don't you like about him? 302 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,897 He's just so full of himself. 303 00:17:16,017 --> 00:17:19,358 And don't you mind going out with a man with bigger boobs than you? 304 00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,244 So I decided to go for a colonic. 305 00:17:24,364 --> 00:17:25,310 What the hell! 306 00:17:25,430 --> 00:17:28,528 If it means losing a bit of weight and feeling good without doing exercise, 307 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,178 then who cares about the tube up the bum bit? 308 00:17:35,078 --> 00:17:37,878 I'm Jackie. I'll be performing your treatment today. 309 00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:39,331 You wanna come through? 310 00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:42,278 I couldn't believe it, it was the girl from the gym! 311 00:17:43,198 --> 00:17:44,859 Right, yeah. 312 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,134 This was awful. 313 00:17:46,254 --> 00:17:49,847 I was expecting it to be some freaky hippy mamma with large hands, 314 00:17:49,967 --> 00:17:51,678 not a sexy lady I'd flirted with. 315 00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:56,038 I'm just going to lubricate the anus. 316 00:17:58,986 --> 00:17:59,986 Cold? 317 00:18:00,358 --> 00:18:03,386 Not cold. Just new. Very new. 318 00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:05,940 This really wasn't what I was expecting. 319 00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:08,087 I mean, bad enough I'm having a colonic, 320 00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,358 but even worse that I fancy the woman doing it. 321 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:11,998 You seem nervous, Don. 322 00:18:14,348 --> 00:18:18,198 I don't normally let a woman see my bum hole until at least the 3rd date. 323 00:18:19,678 --> 00:18:21,120 Is this a date, then? 324 00:18:23,758 --> 00:18:25,620 I'm about to put the tip of the tube in. 325 00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:29,740 You might feel some discomfort at first, but don't worry, you'll get used to it. 326 00:18:31,004 --> 00:18:33,278 - Jesus! - There. 327 00:18:33,561 --> 00:18:34,405 See? 328 00:18:34,525 --> 00:18:37,212 It's amazing how quickly the sphincter relaxes. 329 00:18:37,332 --> 00:18:40,121 - Yeah, amazing. - Now you know what gay men go through. 330 00:18:40,241 --> 00:18:42,518 Are these jokes really necessary? 331 00:18:42,678 --> 00:18:43,678 Right... 332 00:18:44,398 --> 00:18:45,706 lie on your back. 333 00:18:47,598 --> 00:18:50,738 And you should feel the water beginning to enter you. 334 00:18:57,682 --> 00:18:59,726 What made you decide to have this done? 335 00:19:00,478 --> 00:19:02,608 A friend of mine said it would do me good. 336 00:19:02,998 --> 00:19:05,234 Is that their way of telling you you're full of shit? 337 00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:07,238 Enough with the wise cracks, already. 338 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,558 Here it comes. 339 00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:13,315 - Have you eaten a lot of eggs recently? - What, you can tell? 340 00:19:13,435 --> 00:19:16,358 Yeah, you're quite bunged up. Eggs are very binding. 341 00:19:18,464 --> 00:19:20,218 This was really freaking me out. 342 00:19:20,338 --> 00:19:22,478 I was afraid of what she might say next. 343 00:19:25,438 --> 00:19:27,777 Look, a slice of bacon. 344 00:19:28,953 --> 00:19:31,342 Is that a condom full of heroin? 345 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,434 A Micro Machine toy. 346 00:19:33,629 --> 00:19:35,826 I've been looking for that for years! 347 00:19:36,126 --> 00:19:39,386 - God, there goes your lung! - What? 348 00:19:39,672 --> 00:19:41,506 Is that Alphabetti Spaghetti? 349 00:19:42,077 --> 00:19:44,709 Sexy... pants? 350 00:19:46,638 --> 00:19:48,859 - Are we finished? - Nearly. 351 00:19:50,226 --> 00:19:52,078 Listen. I don't normally do this... 352 00:19:52,238 --> 00:19:54,718 What, this is your first time? Are you insane? 353 00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:56,450 I hadn't finished. 354 00:19:57,648 --> 00:20:00,293 I was wondering if you'd like to go out 355 00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:02,668 on a date sometime? 356 00:20:02,855 --> 00:20:06,546 I can honestly say that I have never been in this position before. 357 00:20:07,438 --> 00:20:09,746 I mean a woman asking me out. 358 00:20:09,866 --> 00:20:12,958 But yes, I've also never been in this physical position, either. 359 00:20:13,118 --> 00:20:14,946 I've just got to play it cool. 360 00:20:17,755 --> 00:20:19,304 Yeah, sure. 361 00:20:19,722 --> 00:20:21,172 That would be nice. 362 00:20:23,361 --> 00:20:24,238 Great! 363 00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,495 There we go. 364 00:20:33,638 --> 00:20:35,238 Another postcard from Abby? 365 00:20:36,706 --> 00:20:37,756 She's in... 366 00:20:38,703 --> 00:20:39,638 Auckland. 367 00:20:39,798 --> 00:20:42,656 - New Zealand? - No, Auckland. 368 00:20:46,438 --> 00:20:48,518 Did you go for a drink with Grant Bibbib last night? 369 00:20:48,678 --> 00:20:50,378 I might've done, Donald. 370 00:20:50,838 --> 00:20:52,878 She's seeing this guy from the gym, right. 371 00:20:53,038 --> 00:20:55,040 His name's Grant Bibbib. 372 00:20:58,238 --> 00:21:00,118 What a funny name! 373 00:21:00,278 --> 00:21:01,238 I know. 374 00:21:04,838 --> 00:21:06,598 I wonder where it comes from? 375 00:21:12,434 --> 00:21:14,638 So, did you go for a colonic in the end? 376 00:21:15,758 --> 00:21:17,558 I don't want anyone knowing about it. 377 00:21:17,869 --> 00:21:19,158 So you did? 378 00:21:19,318 --> 00:21:21,918 Yes. But I don't want anyone knowing about it. 379 00:21:22,283 --> 00:21:23,198 How was it? 380 00:21:23,610 --> 00:21:26,718 - Yeah, it was pretty good actually. - And do you feel detoxified? 381 00:21:26,878 --> 00:21:28,928 Oh, that? Well, that was weird. 382 00:21:29,392 --> 00:21:32,238 Having a tube spray warm water up my bum anus, 383 00:21:32,398 --> 00:21:33,878 that was just wrong. 384 00:21:34,038 --> 00:21:37,688 However, batty garbage isn't the only thing she got out of me. 385 00:21:38,086 --> 00:21:40,201 She asked me on a date. 386 00:21:41,078 --> 00:21:44,758 I mean, I'm not surprised. Chicklets ask me out on dates all the time. 387 00:21:44,918 --> 00:21:47,238 You're going out with your colonic therapist? 388 00:21:47,917 --> 00:21:50,226 I don't want anyone knowing about it. 389 00:21:51,381 --> 00:21:55,038 Promise me. Please, promise me you will not say anything? 390 00:21:55,561 --> 00:21:56,561 I promise. 391 00:21:59,564 --> 00:22:01,158 Is she all right? 392 00:22:07,466 --> 00:22:08,366 What? 393 00:22:09,226 --> 00:22:10,118 Sorry. 394 00:22:10,278 --> 00:22:13,749 - I thought you might be dead. - Chance would be a fine a thing. 395 00:22:16,951 --> 00:22:18,678 So I went for dinner with Jackie. 396 00:22:18,911 --> 00:22:22,270 Annoyingly, we had to sit on a table right next to another one. 397 00:22:22,390 --> 00:22:25,026 I can't bear eating really close to strangers, 398 00:22:25,146 --> 00:22:27,436 especially if I am on a date with a colonic therapist. 399 00:22:27,556 --> 00:22:30,358 I mean, I don't want people overhearing us talk about my anus. 400 00:22:31,564 --> 00:22:32,564 Drinks? 401 00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:37,518 I know it's a bit extravagant, but shall we have some champagne? 402 00:22:37,911 --> 00:22:39,180 Sounds great. 403 00:22:39,718 --> 00:22:42,866 Can I get a bottle of your cheapest white wine 404 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:45,198 and a bottle of fizzy water? 405 00:22:45,358 --> 00:22:46,398 Certainly. 406 00:22:47,052 --> 00:22:48,731 It's a little trick I know. 407 00:22:48,851 --> 00:22:50,438 Saves a lot of money. 408 00:22:53,132 --> 00:22:55,438 So, how are you feeling since the colonic? 409 00:22:55,558 --> 00:22:57,518 We don't need to talk shop! 410 00:22:57,678 --> 00:23:00,358 - There's no need to be embarrassed. - I'm not embarrassed... 411 00:23:00,694 --> 00:23:03,038 That didn't last long, did it? 412 00:23:03,781 --> 00:23:04,718 Great. 413 00:23:06,758 --> 00:23:10,038 - You all know each other? - No, we're very good at guessing names. 414 00:23:10,462 --> 00:23:12,514 Sorry. Hi, I'm Sam. 415 00:23:12,701 --> 00:23:14,251 Hi, nice to meet you. 416 00:23:14,754 --> 00:23:16,598 If you don't mind, we're... 417 00:23:17,298 --> 00:23:18,177 Fine. 418 00:23:18,378 --> 00:23:19,983 Because we are... 419 00:23:20,416 --> 00:23:21,416 as well. 420 00:23:22,114 --> 00:23:23,364 Ready to order? 421 00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:28,628 Yes, I'll have the pate to start. 422 00:23:28,748 --> 00:23:32,078 That comes with toast, Don. Bread's not great for the colon. 423 00:23:32,408 --> 00:23:34,426 Especially not the state yours is in. 424 00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,918 Just forget the starter. I'll have a steak, thanks. 425 00:23:37,737 --> 00:23:39,036 Red meat? 426 00:23:39,156 --> 00:23:41,362 There's a lot of that piled up inside your bowels. 427 00:23:41,482 --> 00:23:43,958 Just get me a salad! No dressing, though. 428 00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:46,429 In fact, just dry leaves. Thanks. 429 00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:49,204 - Madam? - I'll have the pate to start 430 00:23:49,324 --> 00:23:50,607 followed by the steak. 431 00:23:50,727 --> 00:23:52,518 Think I'll treat myself tonight. 432 00:23:52,678 --> 00:23:53,678 Great. 433 00:23:57,543 --> 00:23:59,758 So, how do you all know each other? 434 00:24:00,034 --> 00:24:01,438 I'm Don's flatmate. 435 00:24:01,598 --> 00:24:03,657 I only met these two recently. My name's Grant. 436 00:24:03,998 --> 00:24:06,078 - Hi, I'm Jackie. - What do you do Jackie? 437 00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:07,838 - I'm a... - Therapist. 438 00:24:08,437 --> 00:24:10,183 - Really? - Not really, no. 439 00:24:10,303 --> 00:24:11,918 - I'm a... - Woman. 440 00:24:12,078 --> 00:24:15,318 - Very good. Yes, actually, I'm a... - Pisces. 441 00:24:15,742 --> 00:24:16,648 What? 442 00:24:16,838 --> 00:24:18,894 You're a Pisces. I'm assuming. 443 00:24:19,398 --> 00:24:20,798 Actually, I'm a Taurus. 444 00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:26,598 Why are you acting so bizarrely? 445 00:24:26,786 --> 00:24:28,638 I'm not, am I? 446 00:24:28,798 --> 00:24:30,398 Are you embarrassed by me? 447 00:24:33,226 --> 00:24:34,997 - I'm proud of you. - Proud? 448 00:24:36,118 --> 00:24:37,918 You should be proud too, because... 449 00:24:38,267 --> 00:24:40,318 of where you came from and all that. 450 00:24:46,246 --> 00:24:48,168 Great! Thanks a bunch. 451 00:24:48,518 --> 00:24:50,329 You couldn't just keep a secret. 452 00:24:50,449 --> 00:24:54,043 Yes, Grant Bibbib. I let her put a tube up my sphincter. 453 00:24:54,416 --> 00:24:56,490 So what? I'm metrosexual. 454 00:24:56,610 --> 00:24:58,394 I wanna try new things. 455 00:24:58,514 --> 00:25:00,358 You wouldn't go on a date with her 456 00:25:00,518 --> 00:25:03,158 just because she's a colonic infiltrator. 457 00:25:03,318 --> 00:25:04,798 That's not my job title. 458 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,918 You are pathetic, Bibbib. 459 00:25:08,511 --> 00:25:11,190 Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to eat my leaves 460 00:25:11,358 --> 00:25:13,798 with my bum, bird, date! 461 00:25:18,340 --> 00:25:20,358 Forget them. They're imbeciles. 462 00:25:20,910 --> 00:25:24,478 That's the single most humiliating thing anyone's ever done to me. 463 00:25:26,469 --> 00:25:28,158 Where are you going, Jackie? 464 00:25:28,824 --> 00:25:30,918 - See what you've done? - I never said anything. 465 00:25:31,078 --> 00:25:34,998 - I saw you. Your whispers and jokes. - We were having a private conversation. 466 00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:38,118 If you haven't noticed, your table is very close to ours. 467 00:25:40,398 --> 00:25:42,158 What so, you didn't... 468 00:25:42,318 --> 00:25:43,558 tell him that... 469 00:25:43,718 --> 00:25:45,278 she gave me a colonic? 470 00:25:47,798 --> 00:25:49,048 You had a colonic? 471 00:25:49,168 --> 00:25:51,998 You let someone put something up your bum? That's disgusting. 472 00:25:52,156 --> 00:25:53,558 Are you some kind of nancy boy? 473 00:25:54,039 --> 00:25:56,638 - Did you know he's queer? - Right, that's it. Get lost. 474 00:25:56,975 --> 00:25:58,584 What? What did I do? 475 00:25:58,704 --> 00:26:01,118 You just became incredibly repellent. 476 00:26:01,278 --> 00:26:03,798 - I only called him a nancy boy. - Get out. 477 00:26:04,256 --> 00:26:06,358 - Come off it. - I'm being serious. Go. 478 00:26:06,518 --> 00:26:07,518 Now. 479 00:26:15,882 --> 00:26:17,730 This Grant is reversing. 480 00:26:27,558 --> 00:26:29,198 So what did you do that for? 481 00:26:29,904 --> 00:26:32,558 Because he was being crass and homophobic. 482 00:26:33,450 --> 00:26:34,598 And you were right, 483 00:26:34,758 --> 00:26:37,038 he does have bigger boobs than me. 484 00:26:38,478 --> 00:26:42,186 Well, looks like it's just you and me again. 485 00:26:45,198 --> 00:26:46,878 We could invite an old friend? 486 00:26:47,324 --> 00:26:49,158 - Who? - Samuel Bucca? 487 00:26:51,878 --> 00:26:54,866 Can we get four shots of Sambuca, please? 488 00:26:57,872 --> 00:26:58,789 Hang on. 489 00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:01,198 Aren't we supposed to be gym-ing tomorrow? 490 00:27:01,358 --> 00:27:04,758 Let's face it, Don, you are never going back to the gym, are you? 491 00:27:07,438 --> 00:27:08,280 Here. 492 00:27:09,466 --> 00:27:11,747 - Champagne, madam? - I don't mind if I do. 493 00:27:17,609 --> 00:27:18,609 Nice. 494 00:27:18,659 --> 00:27:23,209 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0